In  The Gift of Therapy, Irvin D. Yalom delves into one of the most profound aspects of the human condition—the search for meaning. He frames therapy as a collaborative journey to confront and address the existential void that many clients face. Through his characteristic blend of wisdom and empathy, Yalom invites therapists to explore a dimension of life that often lurks beneath the surface of more immediate concerns like anxiety or depression: the question of purpose.

The Crisis of Meaning

Yalom observes that modern life often strips us of the structures that once provided meaning. In a world increasingly driven by achievement, materialism, and distraction, people may find themselves adrift, questioning the value of their pursuits. He poignantly highlights the disillusionment that often accompanies success—when achieving external goals fails to quell an inner emptiness.

Take the case of high-performing clients, for instance. They achieve wealth, prestige, or accolades, only to encounter an unshakable sense of boredom and futility. Yalom describes how these individuals, fearing the void, compulsively seek the next challenge, goal, or milestone. Yet, the cycle perpetuates itself. In therapy, these clients may confess, “I’ve done everything I set out to do, but I still feel hollow.”

This is not merely a personal struggle; it is a societal one. The existential vacuum—where life feels devoid of purpose—was famously described by Viktor Frankl in Man’s Search for Meaning. Frankl argued that a lack of meaning often manifests as depression, addiction, or aggression. Yalom’s work builds on this insight, advocating for therapists to confront meaninglessness head-on.

Therapy as a Laboratory for Meaning

Yalom emphasizes that the therapeutic space is uniquely suited to helping clients explore life’s big questions. But this exploration must be done delicately. He advises therapists to avoid imposing their own frameworks or rushing to provide answers. Instead, they should act as guides, facilitating the client’s own process of meaning-making.

One of Yalom’s most evocative tools is the “epitaph exercise.” Asking clients to imagine their tombstone and what they would like it to say can cut through the noise of daily life, forcing them to reflect on their core values. This exercise often brings clarity, revealing what truly matters—be it love, creativity, legacy, or service.

Yalom also notes that discussions about legacy and purpose often lead to deeper themes, such as generativity (leaving something meaningful for the next generation), altruism, and self-actualization. For clients who feel lost, these exercises can illuminate a path forward.

The Paradox of Boredom and Achievement

One of the chapter’s most striking insights is how the fear of boredom drives much of human behavior. Yalom recounts a conversation with a successful real estate entrepreneur who confessed that he feared boredom more than failure. This fear, Yalom argues, often leads people to endlessly raise the bar—more money, more recognition, more “success”—without ever pausing to ask why they are chasing these goals.

Here, Yalom aligns with existentialist philosophers like Schopenhauer, who warned that human existence oscillates between desire and boredom. After achieving a goal, we may feel a brief respite, only to be plunged back into a sense of restlessness. The key, Yalom suggests, is not to eliminate boredom but to transform it into an opportunity for reflection and growth.

Engagement vs. Intellectualization

Yalom underscores that the search for meaning is not an intellectual exercise but an experiential one. Clients cannot “think” their way to purpose. Instead, they must immerse themselves in life—relationships, creative pursuits, and acts of service.

This mirrors the ideas of existentialist thinkers like Søren Kierkegaard and Jean-Paul Sartre, who emphasized that meaning is not something we discover but something we create through our actions. For example, a client struggling with a sense of purposelessness might find fulfillment by volunteering, nurturing relationships, or pursuing a long-neglected passion.

The Therapist’s Role

For therapists, addressing existential concerns can be daunting. Yalom advises a balance of directness and subtlety. Rather than prescribing meaning, therapists should create a safe, open environment where clients feel free to explore their own values and priorities.

In this role, therapists act as companions on the journey rather than as authoritative guides. They validate the client’s struggles, normalize their fears, and gently encourage them to confront life’s big questions. This approach not only helps clients find meaning but also fosters a deeper therapeutic alliance.

Lessons for All of Us

The lessons from this chapter extend beyond the therapy room. Yalom’s insights are a reminder that life’s deepest fulfillment often lies not in external accomplishments but in connection, creativity, and contribution. Whether you are a therapist, a client, or simply a seeker, the question of meaning is one that demands attention.

As Yalom writes, the key is to engage with life rather than avoid it. Meaning is not something handed to us—it is something we build, piece by piece, through the choices we make and the lives we touch.

Practical Takeaways

1. Ask Reflective Questions: Use exercises like imagining your epitaph or reflecting on your legacy to clarify your values.

2. Find Meaning Through Action: Engage in activities that align with your core values, whether that’s helping others, creating something new, or deepening relationships.

3. Embrace the Journey: Accept that meaning is not a destination but an ongoing process of discovery and creation.

4. Seek Connection: Meaning often emerges in relationships—with loved ones, communities, and even future generations.